The UVic Writer's Guide


Sentences That Are Too Long or Too Loose


Here is a sentence that is too long:

This trend has greatly affected the way we produce and advertise our products, but I feel we can successfully sell our product, No-Sweat deodorant, through advertising that concentrates on safety for the environment and convenience for the consumer, and suggests that a certain amount of freedom from bodily odour and excessive perspiration can be gained with a minimum of damage to the ozone layer and a maximum of consumer satisfaction, notwithstanding the inevitable concerns about manufacturing costs and packaging problems, and the general tendency to avoid spray-on deodorants.

Break it up into two or more units.

Loose sentences should be combined because they have similar constructions and they discuss the same thing:

Both "pagan" and "heathen" have been used to denigrate people with cultures different from ours. These words have been used to excuse the cultural havoc we have wrought on these people.

Compare:

Both "pagan" and "heathen" have been used to denigrate people with cultures different from ours, and therefore to excuse the cultural havoc we have wrought on these people.


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Copyright, The Department of English, University of Victoria, 1995
This page updated September 21, 1995